09/21/21
I made my first therapy appointment and it was on the 21st of September. I was legitimately excited to get my shit figured out! I walked into my 8am appointment with coffee in my clammy hands and ready to word vomit for the next hour.Yippee.
It was really odd putting a name to a lot of my feelings and emotions. Something that really stuck with me was my Doctor telling me I’m fully recovered from my eating disorder. They literally said this so casually. Like bish, this is big!!! Someone wheel in the champagne! This means I haven’t purged for about a year! *Cue the confetti* This also doesn’t mean that intrusive ED thoughts have just disappeared completely. That might be one of the toughest parts. Purging is not glorious or quiet so creating a habit of not needing it was the easy part. Handling all the dumb thoughts, the overthinking of everything, the constant self depreciation, that’s the fuckin hard stuff. And that’s where I’m trying to grow right now. I will say, as scary as it is to open up and talk about that mother fucker named ED, it is the best thing you’ll do because you will end up with a village of people that support and understand you. No need to explain why you take 3 hours grocery shopping. No need to explain a damn thing. It’s great honestly. Your village helps by calling you out on your bullshit. My sexy, patient, kind, and darling boyfriend will remind me that coffee is not breakfast. You need a lil somethin somethin. And at first, ya I was pretty salty! Like boy stfu don’t tell me what to do. But it took me a whole pandemic to realize he’s right. I’m a 22 year old woman that needs more than coffee for breakfast, IM GROWN BISH!
I’m not saying you can never have just coffee again for breaky but listen to your people sometimes they make a good point……..being a super cool 22 year old who lives with her parents currently it’s been crazy realizing how right they have been to this whole time;)
Now, my newest obsession,
Yoga. It’s a dark room. A place where no one gives a shit. Am I crushin’ my workout or slackin? No one cares. Everyone is there for their own practice and yoga is a time that is completely for you and this was a major factor in my recovery. Find your thing where you can be completely yourself.…..Find that relationship. Find that environment. Then watch yourself grow.
Growing is hard and amazing all in one! It made me realize you need to love your life because, MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. The world says carbs are bad but you're cravingggg a bagel. EAT THE DAMN BAGEL. Lots of people are picking up crossfit and you think you should too. I hate moving heavy weight these days so i’m gonna do some fucking yoga. Be confident in your choices and know you're making them because that is what feels right for you! !MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY!
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