I’ve learned that I’m actually fucking scared of the unknown and nothing gets done while living in fear.
When my therapist said I was living in fear, I said, “you got the wrong girl”. Clearly, I’m not scarrrrrred of anything. Maybe a couple of gross bugs but you know what I mean. I’m not fucking living in fear miss therrrrrapist.
But oh honey was I wrong and this is exactly why we go to trained professionals with our mental health issues. She was able to listen and heard what I couldn’t. We dove deep into the type of fear she was describing. And then I walked out, jaw on the floor, because she nailed it right on the fucking head.
I am so scared to mess up. I’m so scared that I don’t even trust my own self. I would much rather be given a How-To Book for Dummies, but none of us get that. I DO get to lean into this feeling and learn so much from her. Learning to trust myself and remove this feeling of fear has been LLLIIBBBEERRAATTIINNGGG.
I honestly feel soooo much lighter. That is not to say it still feels uncomfy but I'm walking in my power and trusting the decisions I am making will align with the life I want to live..
I was feeling all of my feelings and they were very complex. It was hard to describe and put words to. Thank goooodness for my therapist, as this was such a pivotal point for me. Since learning this, I can already see myself slowing down and growing. I’m learning from difficult conversations instead of running away. I’m giving my feelings a space to be felt and putting a name to them. I’m fully trusting my inner child’s instincts and having a fucking ball. I’m so fucking done living out of fear. Nothing gets done anyways;)
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