I never figured out what I wanted to be. I always wanted to be someone else.
I let Instagram choose who I wanted to be.
Let me elaborate…
If I try hard to trace back when and how a lot of my stressors came about, I think back to when I got my first phone. I was in fifth grade and I was jumping and mother-fuckin kicking I was so excited. At this point in my life I had my fair share of family issues, but was able to manage and build from the struggles. But, once phones evolved from flip versions to touch screens, my mental health plummeted. I wasn’t able to manage anymore. Instead, I was now being exposed to everrrrrything: I saw perfect families, I saw the perfect body, the aesthetic teenage bedroom, the perfect high school sweetheart relationship. I realized I didn’t have any of the things I saw, but I wanted all of it. So I tried being what I saw online. I tried covering up my family and holding on to any normalcy. I strivedddd for a boy to notice me. And I desperately wanted the stereotypical Victoria's Secret body.
At a young age I was already morphing my personality and body to be something that society wanted. And this web was big. I was trapped for years trying to be something I wasn’t. It is so much easier now with years of help to see it from an outside perspective. It is so easy to see that it wasn't the real Elsie. Now I love my quirks. I’m loud about what makes me unique. I am so proud and having so much fun walking in my truth and finding what really lights me on fire.
I hope everyone can experience this peace someday! XOXO
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